Poetry

Sometimes I want to text you and tell you how much I miss you, but I don’t even know how to say hi anymore.

I remember how frustrated I’d get whenever you’d nag but now what I wouldn’t give to just hear you scold/lecture me.

Also, selfies aren’t ever going to feel the same. You were the photogenic one out of the two of us and now my frames feel empty.

Is it toxic to keep drowning in the memories we made? I honestly don’t care even if it is, because the grief is all I’ve left of you and I hope I never heal from it because that’d be the same as losing you completely and I don’t want that!

Your absence still feels unreal.

Everyone in the neighborhood knew the story of my love for “Sarah,” and everyone also knew about the old feud between my father and hers. My mother once told me that the two men had been close friends until the years drove them apart, turning them into bitter enemies.

Even my mother lost her temper when I told her about Sarah. She told me that it was utterly impossible for Sarah to ever become mine, and that relations between our two families were more strained than anyone could imagine.

But I chose to follow the path of love. I held firmly to what my heart desired, hoping that one day the hostility between our families might give way to peace and reconciliation.

After disregarding everything my mother had told me about Sarah’s family, I eventually found myself speaking to her father about her one day. He was a stern-looking man with such piercing eyes that I was half afraid he might suddenly punch me. He asked whether I knew about the feud between him and my father. He soon realized that I was fully aware of it, but that love had become the master of my heart. In the end, he threw me out of his house.

That was not the last time he did so.

I continued visiting him so regularly that, little by little, he grew accustomed to seeing my face. Yet he never smiled. Whenever I happened to meet him in the neighborhood, I would greet him first, and he would return my greeting without the slightest change in his expression.

Perhaps he grew tired of seeing me over and over again. Perhaps he wanted to get rid of me somehow but could not find a way to do it. Whatever the case, he finally gave vent to his anger during the last visit I paid him.

“Please, for God’s sake, don’t you understand that my daughter will never enter your house, no matter how hard you try? Your father and I are enemies, as everyone in the neighborhood knows!”

I smiled and replied:

“Then let Sarah and me be the reason for reconciliation! Isn’t life too short for a person to spend it living in hatred and hostility, Uncle?”

He said nothing for a while. I thought he was about to throw me out yet again. But it seemed that he finally realized just how determined I was. He also seemed to understand that I was not going to give up on Sarah, and that, sooner or later, I would ask for her hand properly. In the end, it was merely a matter of time.

And then I saw something I had never expected to see.

His features began to soften.

What happened next was the last thing I could ever have imagined.

For the first time in my life, I saw him smile.

Yes… he was still not the man he would eventually become, but at last, he had smiled.

By my pen ✨

One of the bitter truths of life is that we shed tears for those who do not care about us at all.

Every night after I lay down on my bed I hear screams of crying soul in my head,

A soul that can't sleep, and thinks too deep

I can feel the pain and the echo it makes inside my body,
It's like something is incomplete,
Because my heart pounds like it's in someone else's body.

Here I'm stuck now, Thinking about what should be the next line,
Still can't figure it out, So I'll just ask "are you all fine?"

Words for my Husband

Let me break into the palace of your mind,
Surrender your heart to me, I'm already at the doors,
Knock knock, ta'aal hayati.

Tell the trees

Tell the trees who hurt you
They don’t gossip
They don’t interrupt
They don’t judge
They listen
They murmur as you talk, contemplating
They will bury your secrets into their roots
They will give you sweet air to breathe in instead
They will give you their trunk to lean on
their branches to embrace
They will cleanse you like they did to the ones before you
Rest by them weary friend, weary traveller

At Kensington Gardens

Rumi:
"Why does the human heart sometimes feel lonely? "

Shams of Tabriz:
"So that it may understand that not every gathering brings peace.
Sometimes, a single moment with God is closer than a thousand people around you."

Sad Love story 💔 of every true love

Dua for my future spouse;

Yesterday, I learned that the word for human in Arabic is “insan”, meaning one who forgets.

May Allah grant that we both help each other to remember and be grateful.

Growing together in deen is this, a reminding. To guide each other to the wonder and remembrance of our role in the sacred order of things.

The belly of the whale

She was the love of my life..
And I had to let her go..

My ship was full of holes, she tried to help me fix,
She was eager to set sail with me,
She had envisioned a future, she didn't want to miss.

But.. all I saw was the choppy waters, dark clouds, thunder in the distant mist.
If she sails with me now,
she would be swallowed by the depths.

My precious love, my treasure chest..

But as with all honourable men,
Going through the worst moments of a life tailored rough.
The first thing we would do is leave the woman we love.

Why keep her on my Life boat destined to be dragged in the storm..

No longer could I bare to watch her drowning to hold my ship afloat..
I could not bare to trust her with the weight of my flaws.

As I watch the mast breaking away,
The navigation is slowly being culled.
I can see exactly where we will be destroyed.
No paradise island for her to enjoy..

No safety to give birth to our joint legacy.

All I could offer is a final prayer, An Istikara in hopes this decision will suffer the least regret for us both.

And when the passing port was close enough,
I'll chuck her over board..
No warning, no discourse.

Looking back.. she saw me as salvageable..
An unfathomable chain of actions that proved it to be true..
The only measure of proof she loved all of me.

Her working hands were dirty like mine,
Her eyes was full.. brimming full..
But she just could not see..

That the passion and warmth was just this
This boat, that was burning..

Beyond badly.

And I would very much just like to save one person in my life..

Unable to win the internal battle in my head,
From countless doubts formulated by the hearsayers and the sea of sirens envy.

I because infected and snared,
to trust her as my anchor.
You've heard it all..
A man.. must provide, protect.. lead,
entrusted to you is her succession..
Your boat becomes her boat..

But I was just a scrap of heavy board crashing in the seas by the luck of angels.
I held the bottle with a scroll, that she took as its worth it all..

And I would have been..
If not for my love for you to be safe and free.

Drifting Memories.