Psychology & Neurodiversity

Salams going through a bit of rsd episode but managing alhamdulilah

Ya Allah, before this year comes to an end, bless me with such beautiful news that my heart forgets every hardship, and every painful day this year brought. Replace my sadness with peace, my worries with ease, and my tears with reasons to smile. Ameen.🤲🏾🤍

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is how easily culture and religion can become intertwined, to the point where we sometimes defend cultural expectations as though they are part of Islam.

And I think we need to talk about it more.

Islam teaches us to respect our elders, have sabr, forgive, maintain family ties and show good character. But sometimes those beautiful teachings get turned into something completely different.

“Don’t answer back because they’re older than you.”
“Just stay quiet to keep the peace.”
“Forgive because they’re family.”
“Don’t set boundaries because you’ll divide the family.”
“Just have sabr.”

But where is the conversation about the behaviour that caused the hurt in the first place?

Why do we sometimes put more pressure on the person who has been hurt to forgive than we put on the person who hurt them to apologise, reflect and change?

I genuinely believe you can respect someone and still tell them that what they did was wrong. You can forgive someone and still have boundaries. You can have sabr without allowing yourself to be repeatedly mistreated.

And being older, being a parent, being an in-law, being a husband, being a wife, NONE of these titles make someone automatically right.

That’s the part I feel passionately about. Justice has to apply to everyone.

Sometimes I think we become so concerned with keeping families together, keeping elders happy and avoiding “what will people say?” that we forget keeping the peace isn’t the same thing as actually having peace.

Culture can be beautiful. Traditions can be beautiful.

But culture should never be used to silence someone, excuse harmful behaviour or override what our deen actually teaches us about justice. Especially when it comes to communal living with in laws.

And I don’t think we talk enough about the pressure this can place on women in some cultures. There are countries where suicide among married women is a serious social issue, with research repeatedly pointing towards family problems, marriage-related pressures and domestic abuse as contributing factors.

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves:

Is this Islam? Or is this simply something our culture has normalised? 🌿

From a psychological perspective :

What I’m looking for is a genuinely good-hearted woman ..someone who either grew up in a home where she was given plenty of love, care, and emotional warmth, or, if she didn’t have that kind of upbringing, someone I can understand and support while being the gentle, reassuring part of her story.

But I also need her to understand that she has a role in helping herself become happy, or at least genuinely at peace with her life as a whole. That way, I can fulfill my role as a husband without feeling like I’m carrying an additional emotional responsibility on top of everything else.

Ideally, her father would have done his best to be there for her .. both financially and emotionally.. before I ever came into her life. And although a father’s love and a husband’s love are completely different, I would want to come in and continue being a source of support for her, as a loyal and devoted husband.

To me, a good-hearted woman is someone who grew up in a healthy family, experienced kindness, compassion, and mercy, and learned to see these things as a natural part of how people should treat one another .. without taking empathy to an unhealthy extreme, especially with the opposite ***, where boundaries matter and emotional jealousy can become an issue.

Or she could be someone who simply wasn’t that lucky .. someone who didn’t grow up surrounded by those things, or whose childhood was somewhat difficult, but whose nature is different from the negativity she experienced.

Someone who wants to build a different kind of life for herself, based on understanding, and who wants to treat her husband and children consciously and thoughtfully, taking the lessons she learned from her own family and using them to build something healthier.

In my eyes, a truly good woman is content, emotionally grounded, and modest in a graceful way .. without ever diminishing herself or giving up her rights.

She knows how to make her presence felt in her own way.

That’s the kind of woman I believe can build a healthy family with her husband.

I don’t want a woman who evaluates me through a checklist of advantages ..the right age, looks, career, financial situation, and so on.

I simply want someone who sees me as a human being and genuinely feels convinced by who I am.

When it comes to choosing a partner, I naturally prefer simplicity, gentleness, and softness.

To me, that is a form of quiet strength .. far away from trying to prove that one person is better than another, or constantly comparing what each person has and turning it into a competition.

The woman I would value most is someone who, once we are together and eventually married, I can see genuinely trying to give her role in the relationship her best ..not taking my basic rights for granted or neglecting them, but doing what she does out of genuine love and inner conviction.

Not simply because she knows what is “right,” or because she feels indebted to me for being dependable in other areas of life.

And, to me, love begins when you find yourself wanting to give more than you take.

If you constantly find yourself wanting to receive more than you give, then it is probably admiration, infatuation, attraction, or something similar .. but not yet love in its deepest sense.

من الجانب النفسي
:
أنا عايز أتجوز بنت ناس بمعني تكون إما طالعة من بيت أهلها شبعانة إهتمام وحنية أو لو كان الجانب ده فيه تقصير انا هكون متفهم و هحاول اكون الجزء اللطيف من الحكاية بس لازم هي كمان تكون متفهمة انها تساعد نفسها فإنها تكون سعيدة و علي الأقل راضية بحياتها ككل و بالتالي هقدر أقوم بواجبي بدون ضغط مسؤلية زيادة

يكون الأب قام كويس بدور السند المادي والمعنوي علي قد مايقدر قبل مانتعرف .. و مع الإختلاف الكبير بين حبه وحبي ليها هاجي أكمل دور السند كزوج مخلص

بنت الناس في وجهة نظري هي البنت اللي اتربيت في أسرة سوية شافت طيبة وتراحم وعطف علي الناس و شايفة انه ده الطبيعي اللي مفروض يكون بين الناس بدون أفورة في التعاطف طبعاً وخصوصا مع الجنس الآخر لتجنب مواقف الغيرة العاطفية

أو البنت اللي مكانتش محظوظة فمشافتش كل ده او كانت في طفولة قاسية نوعا ما لكن طبيعتها مختلفة شوية عن السلبيات اللي شافتها و عندها ميول تبني حياة جديدة مبنية علي التفاهم و تتعامل صح مع زوجها وأولادها بطريقة واعية فيها دروس مستفادة من خبراتها ف الحياة مع أهلها

في وجهة نظري البنت القنوعة المكتفية الخجولة في حدود الأدب و بدون إنتقاص حقوقها
اللي بتقدر تثبت حضورها بطريقتها هي دي بنت الناس
اللي هتقدر تبني أسرة سوية مع زوجها

انا ماأحبش البنت اللي تقيمني بشوية مميزات (سن مناسب و شكل و وظيفة و مستوي معيشي)
انا بس محتاج اللي تشوفني كإنسان تقتنع بيه

وأنا طريقتي ف الإختيار بتفضل البساطة واللين و ده بالنسبالي القوة الناعمة بعيد عن أي تظاهر بأفضلية شخص عن شخص أو التمادي ف التفاخر ف كل مايملكه طرف عن التاني

أفضل بنت بالنسبالي هي اللي لما نرتبط ونتجوز اكون شايفها بتحاول بإستمرار تقدم دورها علي أكمل وجه بدون تهاون في حقوقي البديهية أو تقصير ويكون ب حب و إقتناع داخلي
مش مجرد انها بتعمل الصح او رد جميل الإعتمادية عليا ف باقي جوانب الحياة

الحب في وجهة نظري بيبدأ لما تلاقي نفسك حابب تعطي أكتر ما تاخد .. ولو لاقيت نفسك حابب تاخد أكتر ماتعطي ف غالبا بيكون إعجاب إنبهار ...الخ

“𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗯𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻!”
— ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab

When you love, do not discard all your reason, for hearts change. Do not surrender all your caution, people are often struck from the very places where they feel safest, and those who lit ten candles for others later found not even a finger left to bite in regret!

And when you dislike someone, leave room for reconciliation, for circumstances change. Many who quarreled scattered thorns along the path, only to return walking barefoot. So do not tear down all the bridges of connection; you might need one of them someday. And do not exaggerate the height of your walls; you may need to climb them one day!

The bird that is meant to fly high on the sky cannot even fly long enough and high enough this is what has happened because of being a pet which has done damage to its brains thought process that's cruel, I am thinking if I should keep it and train it flying more and then leave it, I am worried the poor parrot it not used to the outside world, the way it flies any cat might easily catch it, also it might not know where to find food, I also want to just let it go but I don't want it to get into trouble.

Salam Br’s and Sis’s!

Tobacco didn’t exist during the time of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH or the revelation of the Quran.

Jurists rely on broader moral & legal rules in Islamic teachings:
—-

In the Holy Quran:

Prohibits Self-Harm:

"And do not kill yourselves" (Surah an-Nisa 4:29) and "Do not throw yourselves into destruction" (Surah al-Baqarah 2:195).

Modern medical evidence proves that smoking causes SEVERE DAMAGE and SLOW DEATH, violating these verses.

—- in the past week, I have visited a young brother who was a long-life smoker, not a chain smoker, but he smoked enough to smell so bad and unknowingly leave a bad taste of perception about himself to others (in the way he smelt).

1 minute, Allah allowed him to use his limbs (something most of us take for granted), the next minute “BANG”!! Just in a blink of an eye..
A SMOKERS COUGH, just a few seconds of a bad cough where the oxygen didn’t reach his brain while coughing.. he fainted and passed out, subhan Allah, hit a hard surface and frll to the ground breaking multiple bones in his spinal cord. Today, he lies in critical condition in hospital.. unable to eat, unable to move his arms and legs and walking and holding things may be a dream that was a past reality.

I am not making up this story, brothers and sisters… I BEG you all who smoke or thought of making a decision to.. PLEASE be grateful to Allah and don’t take your health and life for granted. My heart cries out to Allah to give this young man a second chance of life.

Not only he SUFFERS, but think of all the important people in his life who will go on doing things they usually would, living their lives and he misses out on it.. stuck bed ridden, unable to have control of his preference of food, let alone not being able to swallow to clear his saliva in his mouth, not able to control his bladder or bowls, unable to be intimate with his wife… unable to go about his day and enjoy the fresh air outside and drive, as Allah once blessed him to be able to do and much much more!

Please I BEG YOU, Brothers & sisters, DO NOT TAKE YOUR HEALTH AND LIVES for GRANTED!

Choose your hobbies and interests in prayers, ibaadat, also meaning to enjoy dunya not just work towards akhirah… by being kind to yourself and your loved ones around you.

I am a sister hurting to see this dear, close relative ruin their own quality of life and I LOVE UPU ALL FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH, Please learn from what I am trying to preach. Your life is in your hands, make choices wisely.
***
Destruction is from your own-self when you are ungrateful for what Allah blessed you with.
***
Assalamwaalaikum WRB
🤲🏾

Assalamu'alaikum, I am a student who is currently working on a paper assignment about Islamic religious education psychology, specifically on the topic of emotions. Does anyone here have experience dealing with the emotions of a child or a teenager while giving a sermon? Or are there any book recommendations that would be suitable as a source for my paper? Thank you all for your help.

I read a quote once, just a simple quote.
“One day you will be presented in front of Allah and he will ask, how are you?”
The moment I read how are you, I cried for the rest of the day.
Imagine being able to hear those words from the one being you have been crying all night and begging all night.