Mental health

Umntu Yinkosi Ukuzazi
(Xhosa proverb)

Meaning,, A Person is their own master through self knowledge.

“Maybe my heart is quiet because it’s waiting for a voice that feels familiar.” 🌙

I can’t bear the thought of having kids and watch them suffer, even if it's a fraction of the pain I went through. I know life is about building our imaan and resilience through the hardships, but we're also human and we have our breaking points (of varying threshold) when there's so much pain and trauma for years on end. The fear of messing things up, hurting them unintentionally, passing down trauma or health issues, or just not being enough. I've thought about this since my early teens and it just got louder with time. a
At this point I’m like 98% leaning towards being childfree, but not in a “I hate kids” kind of way. More like I wish I could see it the way others do, to experience something so precious without all the fears and trauma overshadowing it.

I think about people who constantly pray to be able to have kids of their own when battling with fertility issues, and then there’s me who can but chooses not to and I feel so guilty. Almost every profile I come across mentions wanting kids and sometimes I wonder if this is wrong of me. Am I being selfish? Am I disappointing Allah? Would I be denying a blessing He gave me? Would I be held accountable for leaning away from something that’s seen as one of the major parts of our deen? But I just know that if I ever do become a parent, I’d be constantly spiraling over every little thing to the point I'd go insane (just like I’m overthinking writing this 😭) I’d be terrified of doing it wrong, of guiding them the best I can, only to watch them choose the wrong path. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if that ever happened. I'd feel like I failed them, myself... and Allah.

People always say “You’ll figure it out when the time comes”, but I’ve already spent years just trying to figure myself out from years of trauma. All I want is to build a peaceful life with someone I love. Someone who understands this. Someone to grow and heal with, to help each other become better, for both the dunya and the akhirah Insha'Allah. That alone feels like a blessing, one that is more than enough, maybe even too good to be true.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/19aveYS4KA/

Hoping my blog helps you in some way.. 💚
https://www.thecounsellingjournal.com/2026/08/stress-understanding-culprit-behind.html?m=1

I'd like to be greeted.

https://youtube.com/shorts/HunNQzVbSQg?si=iK05VHT9aKczTRHB

let september be the month you get your life back on track. clean your space, prioritize saving, get back in the gym, fix your sleep schedule, take better care of yourself, eat well, build healthier habits, protect your peace, use your time wisely and lock in on your goals.

“Nothing is easier than denouncing the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than understanding him.”

I’m the kind of girl who walks away when I feel myself losing control.

No explanations.
No arguments.
No unnecessary words.

I just take a step back, keep my distance, and let things settle.

It’s not personal.
It’s just how I deal with things before they become something worse.