Sufis

Why are Sufis called "grave worshippers"

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." — Rumi

"Don't expect anything from anyone, that way you will never be hurt."

This sentence is not an invitation to hate people, avoid relationships, or live without love. It is advice so that your heart does not hang its peace on something you fundamentally can never truly control: human beings.

Many wounds in life do not come from hatred, but from expectation. We hope to be understood, but end up misunderstood. We hope to be valued, but are ignored. We hope to be repaid with the same kindness, but instead receive disappointment.

The bigger the expectations we place on people, the greater the chance our hearts will be hurt. Not because they always intend to hurt us, but because humans have limitations. They change. They forget. They get tired. They have problems we don’t know about. And sometimes they fail to meet what we expect.

One of the subtlest sources of suffering is an unspoken expectation. We do good to someone and secretly hope they will treat us the same way. We sacrifice for someone and hope they will understand the value of that sacrifice. When none of that happens, the heart starts to feel disappointed and unappreciated.

The sufis do not teach us to stop loving people. They teach us to stop depending on people. Because there is a huge difference between loving and depending your happiness on someone.

You can love someone without making them the source of your peace.

You can do good without demanding anything in return.

You can help without expecting recognition.

You can give without feeling entitled to receive the same thing.

When your heart is no longer busy collecting debts from people, it becomes lighter. The kindness you do feels more sincere. The relationships you live feel healthier. And disappointment no longer easily rules your soul.

But that doesn’t mean we should live without hope at all. The human heart was created to hope. It’s just that the biggest hope should be placed in the One who never disappoints: Allah.

Humans can change overnight. Promises can be broken. Feelings can fade. Priorities can shift. But Allah never breaks His promise and is never neglectful of His servants.

Therefore, the less you demand from people, the more space you make for peace. And the greater your hope in Allah, the smaller the chance this world can destroy your heart.

Because spiritual maturity is not when you stop loving people. Spiritual maturity is when you still love them sincerely, but no longer hand over your happiness, your self-worth, and your peace into their hands.

can I ask you something more personal, from your philosophy?

Why do humans often repeat the same sins and mistakes? We know it is bad, we know it is a sin, but we still do it. Sometimes in certain conditions, the intellect and the soul are hard to cooperate. It feels like we are controlled by another force, and the soul cannot control the emotions that have piled up.

In your view, is this part of qadar (destiny)? And why does it have to be like that?

You will starve to death if you only eat on Fridays.