Karachi

44 Male Khi

I am searching for my self

Eeesse

Hi.

We say dowry is wrong, bribery is haram, drinking is haram, and dishonesty is unacceptable. But why does a decent man with limited financial resources sometimes get rejected, while a wealthy man with bad habits is still considered a good marriage prospect? Has money become more important than character in today's marriage culture? If demanding dowry is wrong, shouldn't judging someone entirely by his wealth also be questioned? I genuinely want to hear honest opinions from both men and women.

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To be honest, I feel there is a double standard in how some people approach marriage in the name of Islam.

Many women say they want a man who offers his prayers, follows Islam, understands his religious duties, has good character, and is financially established. These are reasonable expectations. But my question is: are we equally concerned about our own understanding of Islam and the responsibilities we must fulfil in a marriage?

Islam does not teach us to judge a potential spouse only by what they can provide. It also teaches us to consider faith, character, responsibility, and the rights of both partners.

1. What kind of woman should a man choose?

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman.”

— Sahih al-Bukhari 5090; Sahih Muslim 1466.

This hadith makes it clear that a woman's religious commitment should be a major consideration in choosing a wife, rather than focusing only on beauty, wealth, or social status.

2. What kind of man should a woman choose?

A narration in Jamiʿ al-Tirmidhi advises accepting a man whose religion and character are pleasing. The report commonly cited as Tirmidhi 1084 is graded weak in the Darussalam grading, while a related narration, Tirmidhi 1085, is also graded weak by Darussalam. A related report is graded Hasan in Mishkat al-Masabih 3090.

— References: Jamiʿ al-Tirmidhi 1084–1085; Mishkat al-Masabih 3090.

The principle of choosing a spouse for religious commitment and good character deserves consideration, but hadith gradings should be represented honestly. Financial stability can matter in marriage, yet wealth alone is not proof of a person's religious commitment or character.

3. What responsibility does a woman carry in marriage?

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock ... a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband's house and children, and she is responsible for them.”

— Sahih al-Bukhari 5200; see also Sahih al-Bukhari 7138.

This establishes that a wife is not without responsibility. She is accountable for the responsibilities entrusted to her within the family. Marriage involves trust, care, and fulfilling one's duties, not simply expecting the other person to provide everything.

4. Does a husband's religious commitment excuse him from his wife's rights?

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, and your wife has a right over you.”

— Sahih al-Bukhari 5199.

This is equally important. A man cannot claim to be religious while neglecting his wife's rights. Religious commitment must be reflected in how he treats his spouse, fulfils his obligations, and maintains a just balance in family life.

5. My point of view

I believe marriage should not be treated as a search for an already established man whose achievements, financial position, and religious practice are expected to fulfil every requirement while the other partner gives little thought to personal growth.

A husband has financial and family responsibilities, and a wife has her own religious and family responsibilities. Their obligations are not identical in every respect, but both must take their commitments seriously.

If a woman expects a man to pray, follow Islam, demonstrate good character, provide security, and take responsibility, she should also reflect on her own faith, character, loyalty, honesty, and responsibilities as a wife. The same principle applies to men: they must not demand qualities from women that they refuse to practise themselves.

I also believe that a woman brings blessings and rizq into a man's life by Allah's will. But marriage is not a guarantee of wealth, nor should a woman be expected to make a man financially successful. Both partners should put their trust in Allah and make sincere efforts to build a life together.

My question is simple: why do we focus so much on the qualities we want in a spouse, but sometimes so little on the qualities we need to develop in ourselves?

Marriage should be about faith, companionship, mutual respect, trust, responsibility, and growing together—not merely finding someone who has already achieved everything we desire.

Life is v v complicated but I want new life and honest life partner

23 | 5'11 | CA finalist.
📍Karachi
Looking someone only for marriage purpose.
Will share further details once we match.
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