The 30s

I'm honestly tired of being a "masculine" woman. I've been living away from family for over 10 years. I need to make a lot of decisions and handle the household by myself. One time my car broke down even after recently servicing it, and I cried alone in the car. It took me a week to sort it out, I just took a Grab to the office and worked from home during that week. No one could drive me to the office. Sometimes when I see women being dropped off by their husbands, a pang of jealousy arises.

My colleague and her husband both take public transport to the office, his office station is before ours. But he walks her to our office building first before going to his office. One time I went for coffee with both of them. After her husband said goodbye, they hugged each other while I looked awkward beside them, not knowing how to react, haha.

All these simple, sweet things just make me crave that kind of affection and attention. I want someone to just "baby" me and treat me like a princess once in a while.

I read that women like me usually exert a lot more masculine energy than feminine, which is why it's harder for us to attract men.

I noticed only a few and certain guys I met in my life were able to make me feel more relaxed, calm, and feminine. But when it didn't work out, it made me so angry and very down.

To add, I don't get much affection from my dad. Which is why sometimes (most times) I fall for "bad" guys just so I can get and feel a glimpse of being loved by a man.

Life has taught me that true love is security and care, and that the most beautiful love is the one that brings peace to your heart and makes you feel important, without you having to ask for it.

Hello 👋