The 30s

Real relationships are like water simple, invisible, but essential.

Absolutely nobody on this planet is ever too busy ! Too busy is simply a coward’s way of saying his feelings has shifted and you’re no longer the goal 😊🥰❤️‍🩹

Mostly men disappear without closure. do you feel cool guys LOL

Assalamu Alaikum. I believe in never giving up, even when things seem to be taking a long time. Trust in Allah's timing. The right person will come into your life when the time is right. Have faith in Allah. Don't let the app frustrate you, because if someone is meant for you, they will take you seriously.

The Rule of Roots
When choosing a life partner, look past the blossom and look at the seed.
A man should ask: Do I wish to see her character mirrored in my future daughter?
A woman should ask: Do I wish to see his heart mirrored in my future son?
Nature is uncompromising: a lemon tree cannot yield oranges, nor can an orange tree yield lemons. Choose the root you want to ground your future in.

Temporarily opened DMs from men… collected a few salams, some dry “hey,” and remembered why the block button exists 🔐

Is it a turn off if your wife wants to play ps games etc and watches football highlights with you occasionally? Does it make her less feminine?

It's so hard to find the true one

Excuse me if this is long and in the wrong section. I am just trying to find a meaning to what I am experiencing. I belong to a desi family.

What should I do when my own mother does not want me to get married? (no relatives close-by either).

All these years (in my 20s & now mid 30s) like a fool I believed that she is trying to find the right match for me. But in reality her hidden intention might totally be opposite. I would say "yes" to so many proposals but she would either make a disgusting face, belittle my choices or she would manipulate, create drama in the house so that I change my mind & say no to the proposal(s). My mistake was I trusted her blindly like a fool because I loved her like no one in this world, and my eyes fill with tears as I write this. Now that I am in 30s everyone keeps asking "what delayed your marriage?" I have no answer.

Recently when a heated argument broke out between us, on the marriage topic & she falsely kept accusing me that I never had any intention to get married & now I am a burden on the family (when in-fact I always told her I can work and pay for everything but she didn't want me to work). I tried defending myself and the argument escalated further. What she said next opened my eyes to reality, She said "Look what I do to your reputation now, so no one will believe you & want to marry you ever, you will not be able to show your face anywhere." She is my real biological Mother! She even said "Go look at yourself in the mirror, You're so ugly" (I am not, but that really hurt me-I am my mother's spitting image).

It is like I am a maid at this house, cook clean but if I want something like even going to a saloon or getting a haircut of my choice, or even meeting school friends, an entire drama breaks out, even when I take care of myself-like doing facial at home. Over the years, I am now left with no real contact to outside world, except this app & my online work.

She along with my brother have belittled me on countless occassions. In various casual conversations they make fun of me, & I am not suppose to respond (and sometime they do it intentionally to trigger a reaction) in the past when I responded it was like they got an ammunition to further accuse me of being a worthless person. I swear to Allah, I am not an ungrateful person or someone who would disassociate with family. I even avoid backbiting/gossip since school days.

This all started after Dad passed away. There have been several occasions when they damaged my belongings in heated arguments, cut off internet (as I work from home, so that I couldn't submit my work), as well as hit me-where I had bruises on my skin for several days. They later do apologies, since they are family & Allah said keep family ties I always kept forgiving and moved on even on the expense of my self-respect thinking things might change and maybe it is my fault that I got angry in those arguments. Every time I would silently pick myself up emotionally again and again, immersed myself in work, kept smiling even though everything inside me broke emotionally. This year I started rebuilding my self-respect, started keeping strict boundaries with them, grey rocking, keeping interactions very minimal, staying in my room, not sharing much about my projects with them anymore.

During that same argument, while having an emotional breakdown in an attempt to make them understand, when I said their behavior towards me causes me to have suicidal thoughts though I have strong faith in Allah, and would never do that. They escalated the argument & humiliated me further, asking for reasons for my thoughts-then dismissing saying "these are not valid reasons to feel this way". This was right after my mother said "Look what I do to your reputation, ......." Both of them then took my mobile forcefully (I'm 30+!) -I didn't even have my phone password protected that is how much I trusted them despite everything they did in the past (I feel like a fool now) also I had nothing to hide (I never kept male friends), they kept it for a day with them, to check everything on my device! I had nothing to fear, next day my mother after going through my mobile-handed it over to me, and then falsely started accusing me saying "she has weird numbers in her phone" and she writes "hateful things about me in her phone" and when I questioned all these false accusations firmly and asked her to show me where, as I was fed up of being timid, scared even when I did nothing wrong. She back tracked, and those numbers were nothing but amazon, hunger station, food delivery, which I did not bother to delete from whatsappp (from around 3yrs back!!!) I never cared and never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that would be used to tarnish my reputation. She read my mobile journals which I used to jot my emotions & keep mentally sane, even then I had not written anything in that about hating her! When I asked her to show me exactly where she read it & what she read? she said "it does not matter now, forget it". It is like she can say anything and I am not suppose to question it back. When I kept asking her firmly she started gaslighting me and said "I will show everyone in the family when time comes" I said okay, please go ahead-I have nothing to fear as nothing you claim exists in the first place. It is like every time I try building my confidence, stay positive, they want to instill some sort of self-doubt, fear in me. I am just fed up completely. They are totally different towards me in front of other people or relatives outside home-which makes everyone think I am so lucky to have a family like them & live a very comfortable life. Not sure if this might be a factor, but she does watch a lot of Pakistani-Turkish dramas/serials and it feels to me like it has damaged her sense of thinking in ways beyond repair.

I have lost a big portion of trust on them. Even though I try all this to not affect my trust on people, I am exhausted mentally. Even when I want to do so many tasks I can't concentrate on anything, I don't feel like cooking & I have stopped cooking anything for them or myself, & I don't feel like cleaning anything, I sleep and don't want to get out of bed at times. Every time I push myself to be happy and they see me smiling, in happy mood, confident in myself. They start creating drama, using me as an escape goat for anything that goes wrong and even if nothing goes wrong. They do read Quran daily and pray daily prayers without missing any prayer. Since I am not able to find a match, they say Allah is punishing me & I don't think straight! (But I have strong faith in Allah's mercy that he is protecting me, even in this, and the mediators in this marriage process are causing all this chaos). They say until I respect them Allah will never change my situation. But on the contrary Allah knows my heart very well-I had loved & respected them in the past but never found any respect or love for myself in their hearts. They also said what they did towards me i.e hitting, is because of my behavior in anger towards them & I deserved it and it is justified as per Islam. Now, I genuinely have lost respect for them and there is hate in my heart which is growing into a deep anger, I keep praying to Allah to heal me from this & clean my heart from any hate & anger.

I am an engineer, I work from home-trying to find work outside made an entire issue in the house. Just because it will lower their status as a reputable family in society if the woman of the house goes out & work, though I had no issues with that either. I was a top ranking student in my college and like a fool I would work hard so that my parents would feel proud of me. I also never planned to have a "career" but I did want to study masters but when my parents said No, I kept quiet and concentrated on finding a spouse. When I had nothing much to do at home, while they were "searching a match for me" I started finding gigs online to keep my mind occupied. But now when Allah has blessed my online business they accuse me of saying "Oh she wants to be one of those independent feminist women, go outside and setup your shop, sell things and speak to people. Go outside and see for yourself how hard the world is." Firstly, I feel someone earning honest income anyway should be appreciated, & secondly, personally this was not my aim, I was just keeping myself busy with online work, & keeping my skill set relevant to changing times. When I have access to my own money through online work. I have found them to become increasingly discomfortable with me.

All this has exhausted me so much that I am forgetting things often now, I keep forgetting if I have already sent an email, if I closed the burner, where I put xyz. When in the past I would remember things very vividly. I have no one to speak with in-person anymore. Hence, this long post. No one understands me & I feel very lonely at times. I am not really sure how to even get out of this situation anymore. All I ever wanted was a husband, my kids, & a happy family-where everyone achieves their dreams, and then help the wider ummah with whatever skills we have as a family.

Name: Dareen Shah
Gender: Female
City: Haripur
Country: Pakistan
Caste: Syed (Sunni)
Language: Pushto
Age: 37
Height: 5.4
Color: Fair
Took Khula...
Qualification: MPhil

#Requirements
Divorced or Single (depends). Need to live separate after marriage — no joint family system (not willing). Must be Pukhtoon.
Kindly strong men (not mommy's boy) ☺ who are heartily strong enough to stand by in any circumstances, inbox. I hate cowards, weak men. 😊 I like men who are financially, emotionally, and intellectually strong, with good behaviour/manners… responsible and respectful according to the Sunnah of our Nabi (SAW).
Rest qualities Allah Almighty will put in the relationship… trust, love, care, affection, etc., can be seen later 😎

Make sure you come from your real account with picture ✌🍓

NOTE DOWN: Stop wasting YOUR TIME AND ENERGY if you can't send your real pictures or profile details. 😎✌🤲