Psychology & Neurodiversity

MEGAPOST - 90 Day Rule in Relationships

Psychology Today ran a piece on the 90 day rule and the logic behind it is solid. early on people wear a version of themselves instead of the actual thing. hormones make you a bad judge of what you're even looking at. ninety days is roughly how long it takes to collect enough observations to see a real pattern instead of a performance. their words, not mine, they even say nothing magic happens between day 89 and 90. it's just when you've got enough data to call it.

Bismillah, let's get into it

think about a car you're thinking of buying. first drive it's clean, it's shiny, it pulls hard, you're already picturing yourself in it. that tells you nothing. what tells you something is three months of cold starts, highway runs, one rainy night, a pothole you didn't see. the problems were always in there. you just hadn't run it long enough to surface them.

that's what the first 90 days is. a test drive where both people are also detailing the car before every meeting.

why the timing lines up with type -

here's the part people get backwards. the friction was never absent early on. it was funded.

infatuation is a subsidy. the neurochemistry research is clear that early love runs on a dopamine system that looks a lot like addiction, and that it tapers. most researchers put the real settling around 12 to 18 months, some say six months to two years. so no, the chemistry isn't gone at three months. but it's no longer the only thing in the room. by three months you've had a real disagreement, a scheduling conflict, a moment where one of you needed something the other didn't understand. the subsidy is still paying, just not for everything anymore.

so what shows up first isn't the end of the high. it's the first bill.

The MBTI argument (Skip if you don’t know cognitive functions) -

General Type theory says a golden pair works because one person's dominant function is the other's auxiliary. you're not running the same process, you're running processes that hand off to each other. one leads where the other follows.

opposing pairs are the inverse. every decision, every plan, every conflict gets run through competing machinery.

it's two people rowing a boat with different stroke rates. neither one is wrong. neither one is even bad at rowing. but the boat goes in circles and both of them are tired and nobody can point at the exact moment it went wrong, because there wasn't one.

or think of it like tires slightly out of alignment. drive it a day, fine. drive it a week, fine. drive it three months and the tread's gone on one side and now you've got a real problem you can't fix by wanting it fixed.

or gears. two gears that mesh transfer force. two that don't mesh grind, and grinding doesn't announce itself. it just wears both pieces down until one day something fails and it looks sudden even though it took months.

that's the thing about ambient friction. it never gives you a moment to point at. it just accumulates, and then it's over, and both people say "i don't know what happened, it just stopped working."

what the research does and doesn't say -

being straight with you brothers and sisters. the T/F split produces the most consistent friction of any type dimension in the literature. that part is documented. the golden pair stuff is type theory rather than lab work, so take it as a framework, not a study. and communication quality is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction there is, which is exactly what mismatched processing degrades first.

so the honest version of my claim is this. three months isn't a chemical cliff. it's when the performance ends and you start seeing the machine underneath. and if the machinery doesn't mesh, three months is right about when you find out.

the part nobody wants to hear -

people think compatibility is about how good it feels at the start. it's the opposite. how good it feels at the start tells you almost nothing, because at the start you're both selling.

compatibility is what's left when nobody's selling anymore.

this is why our deen tells us to involve family, to ask around, to see someone in more than one setting before committing. that wasn't arbitrary. it was a way of getting past the performance before you're already in too deep.

so if it fell apart around three months, that probably wasn't bad luck or bad timing. that was the test finishing, and Allah knows best what He was protecting you from.

did yours end around that mark? and were you two complementary types or opposing ones?

to be fair through, relationships have ended even before the 90 days, in which case they didn’t even fulfill the attraction to sustain just that, but that just means it wasn’t meant to be in your naseeb

Have you ever experienced the crab mentality?

I am not going to lie I have. Usually its people from the same background as me. Believe it or not... people are racist to their own kind.

It was a horrendous experience. Didn't realise people could be so cruel and narrow minded.

How many faces do you have? Are you all of those faces? Or who are you really? Think💭

Wie viele Gesichter hast du? Bist du all diese Gesichter? Oder wer bist du wirklich? Denk nach💭

Take notes fellas ✍️

Future wife: “When did you realize you had feelings for me?”

Me: “The day your name popped up on my screen and my heart started beating faster.”

Why More Options Make You Less

People that use and abuse other people's time are suffering from the condition of #maximiser syndrome

https://youtube.com/shorts/3ui2lmwuY-4

🐉: The strongest relationships aren't necessarily most compatible. Compatibility can tell u how easy it can be on the good days. But emotional regulation skills will tell u how u guys are as teammates on the hard days.

🌷: what is regulation skills is?! 😅

🐉 : it's saying, I am having an urge to say mean things to u right now, so I'm going to walk away for 30 minutes, this conversation is important I'll come back to this.

**hmmm... so we can dance even in the rain or storm. Well... We should practice this on social media too. Think for a moment before writing any comments.

Kun faya kun, you will receive news this month that makes you fall into sujood without even thinkinggggggg. Allah is Al-Mujeeb. Trust Him.

I think I accidentally found my mood-boosting formula... 😄

🍫 Dark chocolate
☕ Brazilian coffee
🎧 Spotify

That's all it takes to make my day a whole lot better.

What's your mood-boosting trio? 👇

Now, I am stable to support my 3 kids
if I get married later,will they be ok?

(kebanyakan langsung auto_unmatch)