Single Parents

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

I was supposed to go out on a date tomorrow.

The guy cancelled because he has not finished his packing for next weeks trip.

I said dude stop monopolising on your travel. It takes 2 hours max to pack plus if you wanted to you would MAKE the date happen.

He clearly had no intentions of meeting me.

I blocked him. I hate the fact that I let him waste my time.

That's my fourth dialogue in 1.5 weeks.

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I could really use some advice from parents who have been in a similar situation.

I’m a single mom raising a daughter with Level 3 autism who has high support needs. I’m her full-time caregiver, and most of the day-to-day responsibilities fall on me. Her father sees her occasionally and takes her out for a little while, but he’s not involved in her daily caregiving, therapies, appointments, or routines.

I’m feeling torn about what the best path forward is.

Right now, I have some financial stability, but I don’t feel independent. I’ve considered staying where I am and finding a flexible or remote job while improving my daughter’s support system. I’ve also considered selling my house, renting an apartment, and becoming fully financially independent, although that comes with financial risks if something unexpected happens.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Would you prioritize keeping the stability you have while slowly building your career, or would you make a bigger change to become financially independent?

For those raising children with significant support needs, how did you balance caregiving, work, finances, and planning for the future?

I’m not looking to criticize anyone—I genuinely want to hear how other parents would approach this situation. Thank you for any advice or experiences you’re willing to share.

Hey 👋

Asalamu alaikum everyone

Usually I dont really create posts- im more the reader of everyone else's!!😅

Today, i wanted to make an exception and share the experience I had with a brother on here as a single mum of a 10yr old daughter.

It may be a bit of a long one, but hang in there- settle with a cuppa! Totally worth it- promise!!

So, a few months ago I met a Syrian brother who had fled to Swedan during the civil war. From the first time we spoke, we totally hit it off! We shared jokes, values and beliefs and wanted the same kind of things in life. It just seemed so perfect. There was a bit of an age difference, but that didn't really bother me, and it didnt seem to bother him either.
Anyway, fast forward to July and things are starting to get serious....we are talking about getting hitched. We tried to keep things halal as we were talking, we made intentions clear the start- marraige, no dating business, im not really into that.....and now, in July, we are thinking about meeting and marrying.
Im currently working in Uzbekistan and he's working in Dubai. His contract ends in July so we plan to meet the first week of August, he is planning to fly to me. Im obviously overjoyed!
I have been single for 11 years now and felt like my dream of marrying the right 'someone' may finally be coming true!
We plan a video call where I can introduce him to my daughter, someone I am very close to and open with. She knows im kinda looking for marraige so she is happy to see who this person is. Its the first man I have ever introduced her to with this intention, and im nervous.....but as it turns out, he's really nice to her, they get on, share some jokes and once the call is over, she tells me 'I like him'. Im super pleased!!
We carry on calling and texting....oneday we are talking about what he will do when he comes here, he tells me he will look for work and whilst he is looking, he will support me working and studying by caring for my daughter. He tells me he will pick her up from school, he will feed her and spend evenings with her the two nights a week I am at uni.....there was just something about the way he said it. I brushed it off....'no need for all that' i told him. She will go to school from her grandparents (they are uzbek and live here and very supportive). It means she will come to us during the weekend when I am at home.
'I will be like a brother to her' he continues to tell me.....like, what??? A brother??
'I think you mean 'like a father'!' I told him....'you can't call your wife's daughter 'a sister'! Thats weird' I brush it off.
We plan for him to come on the 1st.....he calls me the day after we make the plan- 'my mum wants me to escort her to Syria'....it was a little out of the blue for me....bearing in mind, this is the same mother he supposedly isn't close to, the one he told me 'lives her own life'....but ok. He changes the date to 5th, and then 10th. But ok...I like him, we hit off, he sounds practicing....I should be patient.
We continue to make plans....im currently living in a 1bed with my daughter and so im looking for a 2bed now....in preparation to receive him.
Because im the one in Uzbekistan, and he is coming here, I am the one who has to pay for the flat- 2 months rent, 1 month deposit and a finders fee for the agent. Its not cheap- about 3.5 grand.
Today, i am booked to view the property for our new family to live in together. I wake up feeling anxious, nervous, and just had a feeling I can't really explain. Its not a feeling I feel often so Im not sure what it is.
I text him 'jaan, i feel nervous, I need some assurance- am I doing the right thing?'
1 hour passes.....2....3.....no response.
Im now making my way to the viewing...'jaan! Please text me! I just need a yes or no, I understand if you are busy'
Suddenly I get a response....
'Im on my way to work! Nearly had an accident!'
(Because he drives)
I was taken aback.
'Wow.....you had the opportunity to text all that, but you still didnt give me a response'
He didnt say anything back.
So now, I dont know what to do. Whilst I am texting back and forth with him, my daugher is sat across me and senses that something is wrong.....her 10yr old-GenAlpha-self decides to Google him, because she is skeptical and can sense that something is wrong.....and you wont believe what comes back!
There are pictures of him texting and video calling a 13yr old, offering to buy cigarettes for her and all sorts i dont want to say on here.
Apparently, there was a tip on a man in Swedan who was chasing girls, young girls, if you catch my drift.....and that man was HIM!!
Im still in shock hours later! There are snapshots of texts between him and this 13year old that she has posted to expose him, there are audios of him talking to her and even images of his video calls with her.....its just disgusting!
He used to do youth work in Swedan which he never told me about and obviously had access to a lot of young girls. He was reported on by someone and that's when a team of p***filebusters sent him a bait, which he took, leading to an exposure!
Honestly, im just in shock!! Luckily, the page was in Swedish, so my daughter didnt understand everything, but she knew something was obviously wrong when she saw a huge CENSOR sign across his face and the page. I had to translate it all to read it.

Im now sitting at home, traumatised, and wondering what my next move should be. Ive obviously blocked him and told him why....im obviously so grateful to Allah for protecting my daughter and myself from a man that is so obviously a predator. Alhamdulillah, I always have faith in Allah's protection and love, and have been saved from many things in the past. May Allah continue to protect me, my daugher and the entire ummah, Ameen!!!
When i ask what my next move should be, Im talking about whether I should expose him on here- I obviously dont want him to prey on any other single mums here and definitely dont want him preying on our beloved young daughters. Should I post his name? Or am I meant to hide his sin as I have read many times not to expose the sin of others and Allah wont expose our private sins on the day of judgement.

Also, if this is what we are up against, how are single mums like myself ever going to be able to fulfil the 'half of our deen'???
I am soooo lost for words right now...

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