Islam
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📖 A Thought About Marriage Apps, Self-Awareness, and Human Nature
I often read people blaming marriage apps for the state of modern relationships.
But the older I get, the more I wonder if the app is simply revealing us rather than creating us.
A pen can write a love letter.
The same pen can forge a signature.
The pen is not the problem.
The hand holding it is.
Likewise, a marriage app is merely a tool.
A sincere person can use it to find a righteous spouse.
An insincere person can use it to seek attention, validation, entertainment, or ego gratification.
The tool remains the same.
The intention changes.
Many of us arrive here carrying invisible stories.
Some are divorced and trying to rebuild after disappointment.
Some are widowed and learning how to hope again after loss.
Some have never married and are wondering if their chapter will ever begin.
Some have experienced betrayal.
Some have experienced abandonment.
Some have experienced loneliness so profound that even a simple “How was your day?” feels like a gift.
Yet despite our different journeys, many of us are searching for the same things:
Trust.
Safety.
Respect.
Companionship.
Peace.
And perhaps most importantly, someone who sees us as a soul rather than a profile.
Yet something strange often happens.
The search for connection slowly becomes a search for validation.
A brother speaks to multiple sisters simultaneously, not because he sincerely sees a future with all of them, but because each new match temporarily reassures him that he is desirable.
A sister carefully crafts a profile that attracts attention, not necessarily because she seeks vanity, but because attention briefly soothes the fear of feeling unseen.
Neither is evil.
Both are human.
But both may be confusing validation with connection.
The philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote that much of humanity’s suffering comes from our inability to sit quietly alone with ourselves.
Modern technology did not create that problem.
It merely amplified it.
Social media amplified it.
Dating apps amplified it.
Marriage apps sometimes amplify it too.
We often say we are looking for a spouse.
But are we?
Or are we looking for proof that we are still wanted?
There is a profound difference.
Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, observed that people can endure extraordinary hardship when they possess meaning.
Likewise, people can endure long periods of singleness when they possess purpose.
The real danger is not singleness.
The real danger is emptiness.
Because an empty heart will often seek validation wherever it can find it.
This is where self-awareness becomes critical.
Self-awareness asks uncomfortable questions:
💭 Am I genuinely seeking marriage?
💭 Or am I seeking attention?
💭 Am I emotionally available?
💭 Or am I simply afraid of being alone?
💭 Am I evaluating others fairly?
💭 Or am I chasing unrealistic fantasies?
The ancient Greeks inscribed the phrase:
“Know thyself.”
Thousands of years later, the advice remains relevant.
Because the person least understood in our lives is often ourselves.
Many people know exactly what they want in a spouse.
Far fewer understand their own fears, insecurities, attachment wounds, and emotional blind spots.
We discuss red flags in others.
Rarely do we discuss the red flags within ourselves.
The Qur’an repeatedly calls human beings toward reflection.
Not merely reflection upon the world.
But reflection upon themselves.
📖 “And also in yourselves. Will you not then see?” (Qur’an 51:21)
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us accountability before accountability arrives.
The scholars would often speak about muhasabah—taking account of oneself before Allah takes account of us.
Imagine if before every match, every message, every conversation, every rejection, every ghosting, every disappointment, we asked:
“What is my intention?”
That single question might change everything.
Marriage is not meant to be a marketplace of egos.
It is not a competition for attention.
It is not a collection of admirers.
It is not an endless audition process.
Marriage is a sacred covenant.
A trust.
A responsibility.
A means of drawing closer to Allah.
The irony is that many people claim to seek emotional maturity while demonstrating emotional immaturity.
Many seek loyalty while being inconsistent.
Many seek honesty while presenting carefully edited versions of themselves.
Many seek self-awareness while avoiding self-examination.
Perhaps the greatest relationship advice is not found on an app at all.
Perhaps it begins in the mirror.
Because the quality of our relationships is often limited by the quality of our self-awareness.
The app is not the problem.
The pen is not the problem.
The mirror is not the problem.
The question is:
How are we using them?
And perhaps the better question is:
Who are we becoming while we search?
🤍
Something I never want to take for granted.
Allah knows every single thing about me. Every fear I have never said out loud. Every dua I made and then felt too unworthy to repeat. Every moment I was trying even when it did not look like it from the outside.
And He has not given up on me.
That is not a small thing. That is everything.
We talk a lot about what we need to do better, pray more, be more consistent, be a better Muslim. And that pursuit matters. But sometimes we forget to sit with the fact that Allah's mercy is not something we earn. It is something He extends. Over and over again. No matter how many times we come back.
He is Al-Wadud. The Most Loving. Al-Ghaffar. The Repeatedly Forgiving. Al-Karim. The Most Generous.
These are not just names. They are promises.
You are not too far gone. You are not too inconsistent. You are not too messy or too complicated for Allah's mercy to reach you.
Turn back. However many times it takes. He will always be there when you do.
That alone is enough reason to keep going.
Maintain your rights and exclusive relationship with Allah.
In a world that constantly demands your attention, protect what belongs only to Allah.
There are conversations that should remain between you and your Lord.
There are tears that no one needs to witness.
There are acts of worship that do not need an audience.
There are struggles that are best healed through sincere du’a rather than public validation.
People will come and go.
Some will love you, some will disappoint you.
Some will stay for a season, others will leave without warning.
But Allah remains.
Do not become so attached to people that you neglect the One who created them.
Do not seek from creation what only the Creator can provide.
Maintain your rights with Allah:
your prayers,
your repentance,
your gratitude,
your trust,
your dependence upon Him.
And maintain that exclusive relationship that belongs to no one else.
Because on the Day when wealth, status, followers and even loved ones can no longer help us, the relationship we cultivated with Allah will be the one that matters most.
“And they were not commanded except to worship Allah, being sincere to Him in religion…” (Qur’an 98:5)
Protect your heart.
Guard your sincerity.
Preserve your connection with Allah.
Some relationships are temporary.
Your relationship with Allah is eternal.
I serve an awesome God who breaks a coconut with an egg just to disgrace the stone
I serve a Lord who makes the impossible possible, who shatters mountains with pebbles and grants victory through the most unexpected means.
Indeed, Allah is over all things competent. (Qur'an 2:20)
I have a question for girls. If you want to ask someone about his salary, how would you ask in a way that doesn't make things awkward? What's the best or most polite way to ask someone about their salary?