The 40s
265,672 members
The 40s are just getting good! Connect with others who are thriving in this chapter of life 💫
MY INTRODUCTION TO RUMI. I hear about Rumi in one of Dr. Israr… | by Shabistan Khan | Medium https://share.google/ASPv5GniUuUnmSuGu
I am still in shock...🤯
I genuinely do not understand what just happened.
I connected with someone from Muzz around mid-May. We exchanged numbers, and for the next couple of weeks we spoke almost every day. Not small talk. Real conversations. Long conversations. Sometimes until 2, 4, even 4 in the morning.
We talked about life, marriage, family, future plans, fears, expectations, everything.
There were a few days when he was unavailable, and I understood. Then Eid holidays came, I was busy with family, he was busy with friends, and somehow we still kept finding our way back to each other.
Then we met.
The first date started badly because he was very late. I was annoyed. Honestly, I thought first impression would be the last impression. But after a couple of hours everything changed. We settled into the conversation, opened up emotionally, and spent the entire night together talking.
He told me he wanted me as his life partner.
He told me everything he had said on the phone was true.
He told me I was the first person he had felt this way about.
He held my hand.
He gave me gifts.
He put a ring on my finger. 💍
He gave me a necklace and earrings.
Were they expensive? No.
Did that matter? Not at all.
The gesture mattered.
The intention mattered.
The effort mattered.
And yes, I believed him.
For the first time in a very long time, I believed someone.
The next day we met again.
Again we spent hours together.
Again we talked about the future.
Again we discussed timelines, marriage, plans, where we would live, what our life could look like.
I was literally telling him that I had become attached to him in such a short time because that is how I am. When I connect with someone, I don't think casually. My mind automatically starts thinking about the future.
And he never once stopped me.
Not once.
Then suddenly everything changed.
When we were leaving, he wanted to kiss me.
I said no.
Not because I didn't like him.
Not because I wasn't attracted to him.
Not because I didn't care.
I said no because I wanted us to move forward in a halal and respectful way.
That was it.
That was my crime.
From that moment onward, his entire personality changed.
He became cold.
Silent.
Distant.
I kept asking him what was wrong.
He kept saying "nothing."
The whole drive back was uncomfortable.
The same man who, just hours earlier, was talking about spending his life with me suddenly could barely look at me.
He dropped me home.
Didn't stop me.
Didn't explain anything.
Didn't reassure me.
Just left.
I called him later.
He disconnected my call.
I called again.
He answered.
I simply asked him to let me know when he reached home safely.
He said okay.
And then disappeared.
The next day he ignored my calls.
Ignored my messages.
Ignored my questions.
I was sitting there wondering how a person can go from talking about marriage one day to acting like a stranger the next.
Yesterday I chased him.
Yes, I did.
I sent messages.
I sent voice notes.
I asked for an explanation.
I asked what happened.
I asked what went wrong.
And after all of that, he finally replied.
At 2 a.m.
And even then he gave me no real answer.
Instead, he became defensive.
He told me that if I thought he was only after s.e.x., then I was wrong.
But the funny thing is, I never even accused him of that.
I was simply asking what happened.
What changed?
Why create so much intensity?
Why talk about marriage?
Why talk about forever?
Why give gifts?
Why make promises?
Why spend hours and hours building emotional intimacy?
Why tell someone not to worry because you are serious?
And then walk away within 24 hours without a proper explanation?
That is the part I cannot understand.
If you changed your mind, fine.
If you lost interest, fine.
If you realised we were not compatible, fine.
But at least have the maturity and decency to communicate it.
You are a 40-year-old man, not a teenager.
I am still shocked.
Not because it ended.
But because of how suddenly it ended.
One day I was hearing future plans.
The next day I was being ignored. ghosted.
And honestly, I still don't know what really happened. 💔
Time decides who you meet in life,
Your heart decides who you want in your life,
Your behavior decides who stays in your life,
Your choices decide the direction of your life,
Your mindset decides the peace in your life,
AND YOU DECIDE THE VALUE OF YOUR LIFE 😊
When you look forward to having your favourite biscuits with your tea, you're definitely over 40 and thinking well can't think of what else is exciting in my life right now.....🫣.