Psychology & Neurodiversity

Ya Allah, whoever is exhausted from holding it together, give them a moment of ease today. Ameen.

Why Do Children Sometimes Respect the Absent Parent More Than the One Who Is Always There?

It is one of the most painful experiences a devoted parent can face.

You give up sleep, time, money, opportunities, and sometimes even your own wellbeing to make sure your children have everything they need. You are the one helping with homework, attending appointments, comforting nightmares, cooking meals, setting boundaries, and carrying the invisible mental load every single day.

Yet, despite all of that, your children may seem to admire, defend, or even prefer the parent who is not consistently present.
At first glance, it feels unfair.

Psychology offers some possible explanations.
Children often experience the parent they see less frequently in a very different way. Time together is limited, so it may be filled with fun activities, gifts, fewer rules, or less responsibility. The everyday challenges of parenting, such as discipline, routines, and difficult conversations, are often handled by the parent who is there day after day.

Children also tend to idealise what they do not have. When they miss a parent, their minds can fill in the gaps with hope, imagination, or a longing for connection. That does not mean they love the present parent less. It means they are trying to make sense of a relationship they wish felt more complete.

The parent who is always there often becomes the safe parent. Ironically, children usually feel safest expressing frustration, anger, or disappointment with the person they trust will still love them afterwards. That can make the constant caregiver feel unappreciated, even though they are the child’s emotional anchor.
For neurodivergent children, these dynamics can become even more complex. Many autistic and ADHD children experience emotions intensely, struggle with emotional regulation, or think in very black and white ways. They may focus on who is most exciting or least demanding in the moment, rather than recognising the countless unseen acts of care happening every day. This is not a lack of love. It may reflect differences in emotional processing, communication, and development.

As children mature emotionally, many begin to recognise what they could not see when they were younger. They start to understand who showed up consistently, who kept them safe, who made sacrifices, and who remained present through the ordinary moments that truly shape a childhood.

If you are the parent carrying the daily responsibilities and wondering why your efforts seem unnoticed, do not assume they are meaningless.

Children may not always understand love while they are living it.

Sometimes they only recognise its depth when they look back and realise who never stopped showing up.

Being the dependable parent is often the hardest role, the least celebrated, and yet the one that leaves the deepest imprint over a lifetime. ❤️

— Katheeja Nizam 🤍

Leveling up isn’t just about money and marriage . It’s spiritual, mental & physical too

https://youtu.be/UnhT77W9mtQ?si=pqF5HaiPFuOTlHP7

some wounds don't make noise.They just make you tired,this my inner child speaking

The goal of healing isn't to become someone who never gets hurt.
It's to become someone who knows how to return to themselves after being hurt.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1ZPrFnhhrG/

Over time, I've realized that peace is a blessing, and true maturity is reflected in the way we speak, not in how loud we are. I admire simplicity and genuinely respect people who have strong values and aren't afraid to be themselves. I believe everyone has a story worth telling—if we take the time to truly listen

If you start your question with “Why do men…” or “Why do women…”, consider that you may not yet be psychologically and intellectually mature enough.
I’m just saying

Best form of therapy is awareness.