Mental health

Tonight, my brain would not stay quiet.

The loneliness was already there, sitting heavily in my chest, but the real chaos came from my mind. It kept moving, talking, replaying things I never asked to remember. Thoughts piled on top of each other so fast I could barely tell which ones were real worries and which ones were just exhaustion wearing different masks.

And somewhere in all that noise, my brain kept calling my name.

Not out loud.
Not like a voice in the room.
More like my own mind pulling at me over and over again, demanding attention every second I tried to escape it.

It was terrifying in the quietest way possible.

I tried distracting myself. I opened apps without reading anything. Played songs without hearing them. Stared at the ceiling like it owed me answers. But the thoughts followed me everywhere, loud and restless, turning the night into something heavier than it should’ve been.

The strange part was how invisible it all looked from the outside.
Anyone seeing me would probably think I was just tired. Meanwhile inside my head, it felt like every emotion I had ignored for too long suddenly woke up at once and started speaking over each other.

I didn’t know what to do with the feeling.
I didn’t know how to calm a brain that seemed determined to exhaust itself.

So eventually, I stopped trying to “solve” the night.

I just sat there breathing quietly, reminding myself that thoughts are still thoughts — even when they arrive screaming. That loneliness can feel permanent without actually being permanent. That maybe my mind was not trying to destroy me, just desperately trying to be heard.

And for the first time that night, I treated myself less like a problem to fix…
and more like a person trying very hard to survive their own mind.

Veronica decides to die

I hope people don't d!e with excessive loranzapine. I hope I can wake up tomorrow.

What’s something you learned the hard way?

I feel like I’m at such a weird stage in my life because I don’t feel my age (37). I don’t look my age either… (most ppl say 27) but I just feel like everyone is too young or too old for me. lol 😂 Emotionally I feel like a teenager tbh. I’m thinking because I was so mature as a child and teen I never got to just be a kid.. also had strict parents … then in my 20s I was so busy working, and not knowing I was Auhd.. then I had my child in my early 30s. I feel like I never emotionally recovered. 🫠 then the thought of marriage with another person is scary… because what if they cause more harm. Sometimes I feel like the risk isn’t worth it. Maybe it’s better to be alone than giving marriage a chance. I really would love the idea of a man who models the prophet Mohammed pbuh character and love he had for his family … but I have yet to meet such a person. Everyone just wants a wife but I don’t think they want to be a husband.

I have a good friend from Iran. We have known each other for almost two years, I guess. The last time we talked was in November 2025. I have kept trying to text her, but there is no answer. Her 'last seen' was also a long time ago. I am really worried about her. Well, I miss her, I hope she is fine and Allah always protects her.

Maturity is when you want peace more than revenge.

Happiness is not just about being rich in money. I’m not saying money shouldn’t matter, but don’t lose yourself while chasing it. Sometimes people search for happiness in the wrong places. The greatest wealth in this world is family. No matter how rich you are, you may never find the happiness you’re looking for. If you have a family—parents, a spouse, siblings—then you are already rich. If you have friends, you are already rich. Being loved and respected by others is true wealth. Setting the right priorities and making the right choices will always benefit you. Whether you are poor or rich, everything will stay behind in this world.

Mental peace and mental strength are the real foundation of life.
When your mind is healthy you can take care of your body.
And only when both are balanced, you can handle your work life and personal life peacefully.
So before everything else prioritize yourself first.🙂